Growing UP

Well.. it's Mid July 2013, a new turning point of my life.
As expected.. i'm sent out by my parents , attending SAM(South Australian Matriculation) at Taylor's College Subang Jaya. I felt lucky that i wasn't sent to Aussie straight away.. giving me time to cope with this change.

My school isn't bad at all,well there are always bad influence around, but looking in the bright side, i had super AWESOME lecturers! they did their job well, and even gave us extra classes and consultations so that we can excel in our course. I gave up my naiveness, my life in Kuching and move forward to the next stage of life.. GROWING UP.

Well.. being exposed to the world.. i knew how tiny puny i am.. my self asteem went from top to the ground..

Being the president of wushu club, vice president of dance club, top in class, included in the "rich" category...
I thought that it would be so easy for me to shine.. well .. turn out im like a rubbish here.
Straight As are so common around here.. Smart and talented people around.. sports car everywhere.. but i cant even speak proper english..
 It was hell.. i screw up exams, i play alot, supper alot, even tried to club(yet i cancelled it because.. i wasnt ready and i dont want too.)

So great.. leaving my girlfriend is another hardest thing to do.. i cant cope it in the first place.. getting fustrated..quarreling with her soo much that she eventually got fed up of me.. but she never will know wat i am going through.. the torturing process where no one, I MEAN NO FUCKING PERSON WILL EVER FEEL.

DROPING FROM HEAVEN TO HELL
SUFFERING THE PRESSURE FROM EVERYONE EVERYWHERE..

it made me afraid .. afraid of losing everything..
is it a prob? even Superman needs a break.. why cant i..?
Why there isnt a corner where i can truly be myself.. no need to act all strong at all.
where i can cry out my fears.. shout out my pain.. being shouldered for a few moments.. calm my soul down. so that i continue my journey and success..
even u cant understand at all..

成长是这样的吗？

活了这么久，以前总是喜欢热热闹闹的，
现在我却越来越来喜欢静静的，享受着自来风，回想做过的每件事， 体会我以前从来没感受到的感觉，忽略的事情，
这。。是不是成长?
学会思考，冷静，
习惯痛，享受痛的滋味
喜欢苦，喜欢苦尽甘来的感觉，
喜欢一分耕耘，一分收获的感觉 :)

haiz.. 不知道吧~~ 总觉得自己每天都在改变，
昨天做的决定，今天不一定满意
今天做的事，明天不一定会喜欢


:)

对不起，我很会抱怨，我很小气， 我时常脸臭

让你不高兴

让你不耐烦。。

但是我很爱你， 我很珍惜我和你之间的时间，

我留下的时间真的不多。。如果真的倒数。。我只剩下6个月，半年吧。。

之后都不可能看到你，不能握着你的手，不能陪伴着你。。

我只是想珍惜，好好的和你一起创造美好回忆。。

我只是想固执，  要你陪伴在我身边。。

我只是想你喜欢呆在我身边，

陪我发呆。。 陪我苦思未来，

陪我做在走廊吃冰淇淋， 紧紧地靠在一起，看着同一片天空。。

我一直都不能做让你笑得最开心的人。。

总觉得为什么你陪我会这么痛苦。。

一直想把你留在自己身边，希望你会慢慢习惯，慢慢喜欢和我一起做些平平淡淡的事。。

却比任何时候都开心。。 

但为什么总有人让你笑得更灿烂。。？

为什么你自己一个人也能笑得更高兴。。？

我到底要努力到什么时候。。？

冒着雨帮你做事。。

熬夜思考要做些什么让你开心

苦思要如何奖励你为了钢琴这么努力

让你会想念我

会主动要陪伴我。。

你不是说喜欢小说的爱情故事。。？

我一直都在为我们的爱情打造一本最棒的小说。。

小气霸道的男生

很不喜欢坦白说出自己的真正感觉，

连吵架，生你气， 我都很珍惜，不知为什么，我就是很喜欢，

就是很喜欢你为了我们的事跟我吵，

让我主动抱着你，

安慰你，

擦掉你的泪水。。

我只能肯定一件事，

我无时无刻都在爱你，

我无时无刻都想回到你的身边

我无时无刻都在为我们打算

我的善意谎言，拖延都是希望你不会痛。。至少不会太痛。。

因为你痛时，我心已经千疮百孔 。。

i wonder if u can feel my pain.. my sadness..
i can literally count how many days left for me to be with you..
yet u r trying to me away to give u space..
明年我就不能和你吵架了。。
不能为你擦泪了，
不能在大家面前牵着你的手。 告诉大家，
这是我的女人，以前，现在， 未来都是。。
所以现在我能吵就吵。。 能陪就陪。。
能牵就牵。。 我就是怕你哭。。所以都不提这件事。。
我就要走了。。 会好久好久都看不到你。。
会好久好久靠着我现在拼来的回忆生存。。
能多看你几眼就看，好让我永远都记得你的脸。。
我的女人的脸。。 :') ..
i hope u understand why i did all these these days..
我做的每件事都是有原因的。。 

Random stuffs? xP

yesterday went swimming with ham and her gangs xP, well, honestly la its not really fun.. but nvm la.. she had fun jiu hao barx.. i cant be so sselfish and angry or pissed or dulan or anything, she happy then im already okkay with it i guess..

well my mum complained that i keep go out sports, she kinda said i cant go out for this week probably, but i always manage to make her change her mind xP wish this friday would work if my hamm wanna go out.. or if i really cant just let them go themselve barx, i believe they wiill still enjoy very much without me d la .. x) k thats all la .. kinda lazy to dig more of my thoughts n feelings out.. haha

lolx.. well nothing mch to talk about gua..?

for the first time i finally won the champiion for the zhu hun competition!!!!

im so happy abt it xDD bt think i gonna stop it edi, cause everyone asked me to "retire when u r at ur peak" so maybe next year imma not going back to the competition edi :), maybe yes, but as a audience most probably xP

well about my brithday...i really donno wad i shuld say.. but still.. thanks for organising this party for me :) ,

but if u gimme 3 birthday wish..
i wish i wont nid to open up my birthday box n prepare the cake myself..
i wish i wont nid to start singing thebirthday song where others looks like they doesnt wan..
and finally.. i wish everyone really treated it as my birthday.. not letting me clean up everything alone.. n just play there..like i doesnt exist at all..

nvmm barx, its over edi :) so just let it past guaa :P

thats all for now.. probably going out to buy shoes later hehe.. byee update nezt time..

.....................................................................

因为过去而承受一辈子的苦。

对不起我受不了。。